You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
