listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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