I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
