I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
