I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
