He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize