found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
