Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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