I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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