somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
