I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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