I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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