I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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