Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
