Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
