I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
