I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
