i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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