I think i peed on brittanys purse
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
