i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
