So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
