You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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