Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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