I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
