Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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