So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
