Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
