I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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