Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Randomize
