I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
