aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
