what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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