So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
