If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
