I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
