tell your sister to shave her snatch
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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