1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
