dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize