yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
