We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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