you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
