There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i've created a new STD.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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