fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Randomize
