I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
