Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize