Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
