its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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