There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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