I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
