You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
