New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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