i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
