Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
