I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
