Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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