Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
