I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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