3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
