meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize