this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
