do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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