Sry I called you an 8
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
