No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
