Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
