Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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