you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I fill condoms, not promises.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
