I cockslap morals
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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