he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
