The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
