I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
from now on my penis is your penis
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
